This one's really just for Dave because he's the only one who'll truly understand... proof, if proof were needed (and we know it's not!) that PVC tape is, in fact, capable of solving all problems...
...at least, until I get some solder. All hail to the tape!
[edit: PS - For Dave's benefit (see comment) I'll add that I was using tape to hold the wires in place because I had no solder to properly connect them. Kinda thought that was obvious, but maybe not.]